Monday, September 01, 2008

Mainlining rice wine vinegar

The other day my friend procured some Miracle Berries, the odd fruit which reconfigures your tastebuds for a half hour or so so that sour doesn't taste sour. A selection of my notes before the tasting:

"What are they?"
"They're magic!"
"No, they're totally fucked up!"

"I'm hoping this will be like 9 1/2 Weeks, when Mickey Rourke is feeding Kim Basinger..."

"It'll be like heroin for your mouth..."

"Did you buy Miracle Berries or poison?"

At this point I began to worry that I was the wrong person for this flavorfuck. I'm not an adventurous eater, and my doors of perception are sort of fine unopened.

I took the red pill--er, berry. I got hooked on Miracle Berry-addled rice wine vinegar. It's amazing. With the sour taste knocked out, it tastes like plum sauce or something. My friend had to intervene at one point: "Alice, no more mainlining rice wine vinegar." I switched to lemons, limes, and oranges. Limes are the best--like limeade in concentrated form.

Stilton cheese still tastes basically like Stilton, but there's something sweet behind it. It tastes like Stilton at first, and then there's a sweet aftertaste like rotten ice cream.

I had a little more rice wine vinegar to make it better.

I was out of commission after Tabasco. It's sweet and hot, but the hot sticks around like Tabasco sauce always does.

Half an hour later, I felt like I had been doing what I had been doing: drinking vinegar from the bottle. And eating limes and blue cheese.

Miracle Berries--not like heroin for your mouth or Mickey Rourke, but interesting enough.


Blogger Adela on Tue Sep 02, 04:32:00 PM:
Sounds to me like Miracle Berries must go along with a Pepto-Bismol chaser. I just came back from Garden of Eden. On the computer screen at the cashier's I read: "We have miracle berries." I thought: "Hm, wonder what those are..." I come home and you give me the answer. Thank you.